Episode 04: I Don’t Always Enjoy My Child
In today’s episode, Megan walks through a recently challenging day for Mr. 7. Challenging kids are often very inflexible, and he struggled to find and utilize solutions to the day’s issues. After a good vent, Megan turns her mindset around, offering a simple way to celebrate our children, no matter how tough they can be.(See more below)
Welcome back! Recently, my son had a VERY tough day, which in turn gave me a very tough day, and I want to vent about it. Here I am, a blogger/podcaster who, often, thinks she’s turned a corner and actually knows what she’s doing as a mother, but - SURPRISE! I don’t. Not at all. Many days are wonderful, but boy, some are just BAD. Allow me to elaborate.
Mr. 7, like many other challenging, differently-wired kids, is extremely inflexible. He cannot go with the flow at ALL. And I don’t mean like - “Hey guys, the fun plans we had suddenly changed, sorry!” That kind of example would send any kid through the roof. I mean, it would send any adult through the roof, too. But that’s to be expected.
That’s not what I’m talking about.
I’m talking about situations in which Mr. 7 has the answer to a simple problem and refuses to utilize it. He refuses to allow himself the knowledge that he may have made a mistake, or something didn’t go the way he wanted, and now he has to fix it. That’s tough, but what’s even worse is that this applies to - well, just about everything in his life that doesn’t meet his standard of perfection. Poor kid. It’s tough for him. It’s tough for the rest of the family. Here are a few examples of what I mean, just from this ONE day.
Legos. Gosh, do I hate Legos. I mean - I love them, because they are my son’s FAVORITE toy of all time (and my other two kids, for that matter), but Lego mishaps can really set him off. On this day, Mr. 7 was having a hard time putting a set together. He asked for my help.
The night before, I had told him that I’d definitely try and help him in the morning. To keep my promise, I got on the floor and tried to figure out where he made his mistake. Problem was, I’m not good at this! And I tried to figure it out - I just..couldn’t. That’s a job for Daddy, who’s an actual engineer. My inability to fix it caused a huge meltdown. I totally understand the disappointment, but still. The screaming first thing in the morning just about did me in.
Then, he couldn’t find a Lego piece he needed. Also, super frustrating. It wasn’t in his tray, I looked. So the options were - he doesn’t have the piece, or he searches in the big bucket of pieces we have. I offered to do that with him. Cue screaming. “I’m not doing that! That’s not going to happen! The piece needs to be IN THE TRAY!”
His eggs - the yolk was smushed, and HE wants to smush it.
We went out in the snow. The three kids shared two hammers - and since Miss 7 went and brought one out, I had Mr. 7 bring it back in when it was time to go inside. “I’m not bringing that in! No! I’m NOT doing that!”
“Buddy, she brought it out. Now it’s your turn.” Cue screaming.
Eventually, he did bring it in, probably because I walked away and he had a soaking wet, freezing cold hand.
But it’s things like that, you know? They’re just - so frustrating. He takes out his anger on everyone, especially his siblings. Mr. 4 hates to hear him scream, and Miss 7 is ready and willing to forgo her own happiness to appease him. It’s not good.
So we clearly have some things to work on in this house, and this day was a tough one.
But here’s where my mindset shift comes in. Because, see, here’s the thing: My kids are wonderfully imperfect, as we all are. My son, as frustrating as his behaviors are, is an amazing child. They’re all meant to be my kids, and I’m meant to be their mother.
How can I best support them and show them this love?
So tonight, I’m turning it around. I’ve had my vent, I feel better (truly). Now, I’m going to switch gears completely and celebrate them. How? With the simplest of tasks.
Since it’s February, I’m going to cut up some pink and red construction paper hearts, and each night, write one thing that makes each child special. Then, I’ll tape the hearts to their doors. In the morning, they can read one new way I’m celebrating who they are.
There. I feel better now.